HOLY CRAP

It has been about 18 months since I have logged in.  I don't think I have any readers, but still wish I would have kept better track of life this way.

I mean, I have a kid I didn't have last time I wrote.  I have a dog I didn't have.  A cat I didn't have.  Live in a new town.  I don't work.  Well, not outside of the house.

After the Holiday season 2012 we welcomed a little lady to complete our family.  Lucille Harper was born 02/25/2013.  She is a perfect addition.  Will be 1 in 2 short weeks.  Scary to think the Crews' infant days are numbered.

As big brother, B can be protective.  As big sis, Cati can be bossy.  And as lil sis, Lala can be...nerving to big bro and sis.  It's funny to watch the dynamic falling into place.

Since I last wrote, B has started preschool.  With it, came a whole new list of challenges for him and us as parents.  We have always known B wasn't "normal".  But what is normal anyways.  Well it turns out our not normal is Aspergers and Sensory Processing Disorder.  There will be plenty of blogs to follow on that I am sure.  We have learned that not everyone in schools are concerned for your child's best interest and you have to be strong and knowledgeable to stick up for them.  Unfortunately, in pre-k, you have very little pull to get anything in your court if the schools do not agree.  So you try not to hate them, but hey, it happens.  Nonetheless, we have him in part-time special ed classes and will start integrating him back in to regular ed classes.  I wish he would have stayed in regular ed and gone to the other in the afternoon.  But just glad he is doing well.

Since I last wrote Caitlyn has turned 2.  And turned into a little mommy.  We skipped the terrible twos with B, maybe because of his "issues" or we just got lucky.  But luck be damned, that would not happen again.  She is a pretty little amazing princess one moment, and then the devil herself the next, and right back to rainbows and butterflies the next.  She has the most gorgeous long wavy dark blonde hair.  She can wrap anyone around her finger in seconds.  She will NOT be the forgotten middle child.

Since I last wrote Lucy has come earthside.  Last Halloween blog post she was in my tummy.  I had a miserable pregnancy from beginning to end, but well worth the misery was our 8 lb baby girl.  She has been an amazing addition to our family.  She is definitely a mix of B and Cati.  She isn't afraid of anything and seeks adventure and danger, just like B.  At 11 months old she is walking (has been for 2 months) and climbing anything she can.  Like Cati she knows she is a princess.  She has an attitude, danger hubby in about 12 years you will haev a crazy hormone house.  And, she is the most polite child ever. Her first words "thank you".  Sounds more like "tain too"  But how flipping cute.

Since I last wrote I am now the head domestic engineer at House of Crews.  I went on bed rest January 13, 2013 and just never went back.  I had every intention of going back.  But hubby got a new job with a wonky schedule, but a nice paycheck, and so I wear many hats, just not nurse for the moment. Dr mom, yes.  LOL

Since I last wrote I have been through medical hell.  It could be worse of course.  It all started with strep and now, almost a year later, has 5 doctors scratching their heads and me frustrated beyond belief.

Since I last wrote my mom, my best friend, found out she had, fought, and beat breast cancer.  Her boob was a casualty, but she is still here.  Not sure what I would have done if she wasn't,but I don't have to find out.  She also got remarried.  He's a nice guy, and she likes him.  =)

Since I last wrote I have fallen into love even more with life.  I have so so so much to be thankful for.  I love my husband and he loves me.  I have the most amazing kids, three that I can hold onto and run my fingers through their hair, and kiss their booboos,and hear "mom", "mommy", and "ma" come from their mouths.  We have amazing family and friends, and are slowly building a support system in our transplanted home.  And we have an amazing potential future.  There are goals to shoot for, places to go.  It is truly amazing.

And now that I have written, I hope to be back to write again soon.

Let the Holidays Begin

Well we had Halloween, just waiting for the rest to fly by too.

Last year would have been B's first true trick-or-treating experience.  However, he brought home and shared a horrific stomach flu.  We did not go out.

This year we went for a whole new experience.  Thought he would love it.  Reality is so fun to face.  He just didn't get it.  He wore that Woody costume from top to bottom.  Loved the hat, and joyfully put on his boots.  He was "Toys", as he calls him.  He carried the Toy Story bag, that came with it, with  a sense of pride.  We get to the first house, "I don't want to knock on door".  First roadblock.  We got him to go with mommy to knock.  He tried to walk in their house.  #2.  They give him the goods, a Reeces cup, and we want it open NOW!!! #3. Okay, it's Halloween, open it.  He hates chocolate.  It melted in his hand, and the next house he tried to reach the melted chocolate hand into their bowl.  #4, not so bad.  Hubby brought a towel and we wiped his hand off.  At this house though, they gave him several pieces.  Try to put it in the bag, B thinks not.  He almost had a heart attack at the thought of throwing away this candy that he was just given.  Yup, he thought we were throwing it away by throwing it in the treat bag. #5.  It was just interesting from there.  He ended up singing some "Trick-or-Treat" song by the end of the night.  He had fun, and it was fun to laugh at his anxiety about the treat bag.  He eventually did stick the candy in the bag, but did have to eat any sucker he laid eyes on.

We went to a Trunk-or-treat at a friend's church.  It was fun.  Her game was pumpkin bowling.  B rolled the pumpkin down the bed of her truck, after much coaxing, and instead of re-bowling, walked to the end of the truck and kicked what he didn't knock down.  He got a glo-stick that pretty-princess-fairy sissy stole and loved.  There was a game where he was supposed to throw the bean bag in the hole.  He did it first try.  But the woman gave him candy and he walked up and stuck it in the hole.  So funny.  All-in-all though a success.  Could have definitely been worse.

Caitlyn wore a pink tutu dress with pink fairy wings.  She was beautiful.  As always.

Now we are waiting for Thanksgiving to come at lightning speed.  And it is not disappointing.  Supposed to go to a friend's house, but not sure when.  We bought our bird, all the fixin's.  Should be good.  And then...Black Friday.  I don't know how much we will go out this year.  The world does not need a bunch of pregnant Amanda hormones floating around a bunch of dumb dumbs.  So hope they put the bargains online this year.  It will be a good Christmas for sure.  Can't wait to decorate and wrap presents.  Super excited to see Santa this year.

Since July...

Can't believe it has been so long since I have posted.  A lot has gone on.

I am writing as a 25 week pregnant woman who is quite certain that this will be the last baby in my belly.  I have been in and out of the hospital for hyperemisis, had my gallbladder removed, continued to be sick with "morning" sickness, and gotten colds and tummy bugs, car sick, and nose bleeds.  But could be worse, the baby is healthy.  My heart rate is still soaring with the medicine, I don't sleep despite being dead tired.  I am not complaining, simply reminding future me of what it is like, so as to prevent future happenings.  Because I will, one day, get baby fever, and perhaps regret the decision.

We found out we are having a girl.  I think this is part of the reason.  I so badly wanted another little boy.  For my princess to remain my princess.  Now we will have two princesses.  Two sets of hair bows, and dresses, and hairs to brush.  It is a good thing.  I do not feel sad I am having a girl, just sad I am not having a boy.  If it makes sense.

Obviously I, and everyone on the planet, belongs to the "as long as it's healthy" club.  But gender disappointment is a real thing, and it's horrible of our society to act like it doesn't exist.  It is normal, and some people will try to make you feel bad about it.  "Well at least you have babies" or "Some people have 3 boys and would kill for a girl".  Yeah yeah.  Maybe in 13 years, they could have her too.  Just kidding of course.

I am excited about meeting her.  Planning everything is taking time because the pregnancy also falls around the Holiday season.  I am trying not to stress about buying things, and have almost everything she could need at first.  It's hard.  I don't want to spend a ton of money on new things because her sister's stuff is good, but I want her to be her own identity enough to have some of her own things.  Little miss middle child barely has new toys, mostly big brother's hand-me-downs.  But why should it be any different.  They are good toys.

We had our first early, to most people, and I now share this experience with what seems like half my graduating class.  I also share it with lots of friends.  Neat to watch everyone's bellies grow, and learn names of my little miss' classmates, and soon...see the babies.  Can't wait for that part.

I may regret it one day, but I can't wait for the day to hold her on the outside.  She will be loved.  

And Then There were 4. Kids That Is!!!!

On May 28th, I started my, oh well you don't need to know that part.  Let's skip to June 23rd.  I did something I do everyday and it changed my life.  I peed.  And when I peed two pink lines appeared.  If only those pink lines didn't come with fear and anxiety.  Don't get me wrong, there is lots of happiness, jumping and screaming with excitement too.

First starts the "normal" pregnancy fears.  The Oh crap I am going to get so huge.  Oh no, here comes the morning sickness.

Then the fears that are "normal" for pregnancy after loss.  The "Oh God I'm cramping".  The examining of the toilet paper for even the faintest pink tinge.  And then there's the hiding the pregnancy til the safe period passes.........  Or who am I kidding everyone knows.  Their is no safe period, for one.  And for two, I have an inability to keep a secret.  I don't even like birthday presents.

The last kind of anxiety, for now at least, as I am only 7 weeks and 3 days, is Holy cow I will have 3 kids and 2 will be in diapers and one won't be able to do anything for him or herself.  And now we need a bigger car, and, if a boy, we will need clothes.  And, if a girl, we will have two teen aged daughters someday.  That means two boys to fight off, two proms, two weddings.

But when all that fear is pushed aside, just knowing there is another life growing, another heart beating, and another set of feet to pitter patter.  It is all worth it.

I go for my sono on August 6.  Let's hope there is just one. =)

An Open Letter to MY Children

Dear Brody and Caitlyn,
When September 20th came along in 2008, never did I think I could be this in love with anyone or anything. Never did I think I could want to fill my every hour of the day with thoughts of how amazing you truly are.  And when September 6 came 3 years later I was amazed yet again how much a heart could grow.

It is shocking how at one time you did nothing yet you did everything.  Both of you were so entertaining as you lay in the floor moving, spitting up, or simply being.  It was rejuvenating watching you learn.  My faith in life was fixed when I got to see a protective little boy bat away nurses or even Grammy because she was his.

Brody: It has been amazing watching you find yourself.  And help along the way as you discover your humor, your taste in clothes, your favorite activities.  It has been amazing to hear you go from babbling to singing songs.  Twinkle little star never sounded so amazing.

The job of mother has been rewarding and challenging.  But the hard parts make me appreciate the good.  And boy is it good.

Caitlyn: While I haven't known you as long, it seems like you have always been there.  You were meant to be here.  You were our missing piece of the Crews puzzle.  So glad we "found" you.  Or that you found us.

You started out scary.  With your tummy scaring us from the beginning you fought through it all, and now are an amazing pooper.  Don't kill me for that one when you get older.

It has been amazing to see you follow your brother's footsteps.  For the better or worse we shall see.  You already have such a personality.  I can't wait to see it continue to develop.  And I enjoy our "conversations" and look forward to the real words and helping you solve your real problems.

And for both of you.  It has been amazing to watch the love in your eyes forever.  You may not always like each other, but you definitely love each other.  I hope that part never falters.  I hope that you can always be there for each other.  I hope that you can always know that even when you don't get along, he is your brother, and she is your sister.  No one can break that bond.  You will always have that.  I hope that you recognize your differences and embrace them so that you can always be buddies.  It is seriously cute.

I love you guys more than anything ever.  And that will also NEVER change.  If you have nothing, you have that.  And I hope it always means everything to you.

Love,
Your momma

The Afterbirth

After I had my baby, I was ready to go home.  I don't know why exactly, everyone said I was nuts, that I should have stayed a little longer and enjoyed the "concierge",  But that is one expensive hotel.  I was really wanting to get life going with this little baby girl.  As I have said before, the newborn stage is not my thing.  I enjoy their cuteness and... well it pretty much ends there.  But little girls come with something little boys don't get, PINK!!!  And purple too.  Dresses, and bows, and ribbons, and flowers, frilly lace, and oh so much more.  That was so worth the 3am wake ups, and the 6 am, and 9 am, and.....

Just 2 days after being discharged from the hospital my mother-in-law came to visit.  We didn't know when this little one would pop, and so the initial plan was for her to come and help out with B before the delivery and while we were in the hospital.  Pretty princess had her own thoughts on when she would celebrate her birthday and came before gammy got there.

Now in thoughts that one day she may read this, I will say...  I love my mother-in-law, and her intentions were probably good.  But she knows this was not a good trip to visit.  I was already upset she wasn't coming when I wanted her to come.  And B has never really gotten to know her extremely well.  Well if you remember to my previous post, little prince charming didn't want anyone holding his baby except mommy.  Well Gammy was no exception.  She, as most new grandmothers would, wanted to hold the baby.  Fights ensued.  Annoyed by anything that require my eyes be open, more fights ensued.  I am glad she came in retrospect.

During her visit we celebrated his third birthday.  No big party like the previous year, just some cup cakes and presents.  He ate dinner at McD's and we saw Lion King in theaters.  He got a power wheel cop car.  So in his mind PERFECT.

The first week of October my mom visited.  B had calmed a bit, but still needed mommy to have control of his baby.  It wasn't a very exciting visit, but mommy always knows how to make you feel better.  I think I needed no excitement anyways.

When she left it was one more week at home and then back to work.

It Was Over, But Just Beginning

When a woman's water breaks on tv, everyone knows that their water broke.  While mine came with a very noticeable gush, I was still not sure I hadn't just peed myself.  It was the Tuesday after Labor day, should have done it one day sooner darn it that would have been hilarious.  I was supposed to be getting up in a few hours to go to work.  Went to the bathroom, and still unsure that I hadn't just peed myself I began to make muffins.  Brody was still asleep, but I did wake up the hubby.  Moving hours upon hours away from everyone you know is a good thing, until stuff like this happens.  Then what do you do with your kids.  Well he went to daycare everyday, so why not today.  We took him when they opened at 7am, which was early, and informed them a friend may be picking him up.  When they asked why we told them my water broke and we were going to have a baby.  At first the woman thought we were joking because of how calm we were, but then hurried us out the door so I didn't have the baby there.  Thank God my water did actually break or I would have just admitted to this woman that I indeed did pee myself.

We got to the hospital, which was a few blocks away, at about 730.  Went to registration, and they made me sit in the wheelchair.  Get to L&D, where I know them all from working at the OBGYN office and the multiple NST's, and find out I did not just pee myself.  I was relieved.  Until I remembered that the rest of the day was going to be "fun".

I was hooked up to all the monitors and machines, and we were ready to go.  And nothing was happening.  Not one freaking contraction.  It was almost like a bad joke.  We found the cause of my contractions was probably extra fluid.  Nothing we could do about it now.  So I was started on Pitocin.  An evil little drug that causes your uterus to contract.  EVIL EVIL EVIL Sh**.  The "fun" part of having your water break before labor is it continuously leaks.  Every time you move, or the baby moves a certain way, a little more comes out.  It is like peeing yourself a million times over.

We fully didn't expect too much about what time the delivery would take place.  But at 328pm, she was here.  They took her straight to be given oxygen, she came out with the cord wrapped tight, and after about 45 minutes I was holding my sweet baby princess.  I didn't really go through the emotions til much later.  It was kind of a numb feeling experience.  Not the awe inspiring moment, where the 3 of us were all that existed, like it was when we delivered B.  It was like something was missing.  To this day I don't know if I felt jipped to be having her, rather than my angel, or if I just felt like B should have been there.  But it just didn't feel right.

Greg left soon after, picked up the new big brother, and brought him back.  Now my almost 3 year old, had not been around many kids.  He had spent the last months obsessed with everything baby related.  Carried around a doll and pointed out any and every picture of a baby we passed.  But we were unsure of what to expect.  He was going to have to share his mommy and daddy.  But when he walked in, it was the definition of love at first sight.  He wanted to protect her, and take care of her.  It was the best feeling any mom could hope for.  This came at the expense of other people getting to enjoy her.  He didn't want anyone near her.  Was even leary of the nurses coming and going, and one gave him ice cream and he still told her she needed to go bye bye,

That night it was Caitlyn Riley and mommy all alone.  I changed her into a new outfit, brushed her insanely thick curly hair, and cuddled.  She was mine.  All the doubt of if I loved her was gone.  All the disconnect I had throughout the pregnancy had vanished.  She was mine, and like B they were letting us keep her.