On May 28th, I started my, oh well you don't need to know that part. Let's skip to June 23rd. I did something I do everyday and it changed my life. I peed. And when I peed two pink lines appeared. If only those pink lines didn't come with fear and anxiety. Don't get me wrong, there is lots of happiness, jumping and screaming with excitement too.
First starts the "normal" pregnancy fears. The Oh crap I am going to get so huge. Oh no, here comes the morning sickness.
Then the fears that are "normal" for pregnancy after loss. The "Oh God I'm cramping". The examining of the toilet paper for even the faintest pink tinge. And then there's the hiding the pregnancy til the safe period passes......... Or who am I kidding everyone knows. Their is no safe period, for one. And for two, I have an inability to keep a secret. I don't even like birthday presents.
The last kind of anxiety, for now at least, as I am only 7 weeks and 3 days, is Holy cow I will have 3 kids and 2 will be in diapers and one won't be able to do anything for him or herself. And now we need a bigger car, and, if a boy, we will need clothes. And, if a girl, we will have two teen aged daughters someday. That means two boys to fight off, two proms, two weddings.
But when all that fear is pushed aside, just knowing there is another life growing, another heart beating, and another set of feet to pitter patter. It is all worth it.
I go for my sono on August 6. Let's hope there is just one. =)
First starts the "normal" pregnancy fears. The Oh crap I am going to get so huge. Oh no, here comes the morning sickness.
Then the fears that are "normal" for pregnancy after loss. The "Oh God I'm cramping". The examining of the toilet paper for even the faintest pink tinge. And then there's the hiding the pregnancy til the safe period passes......... Or who am I kidding everyone knows. Their is no safe period, for one. And for two, I have an inability to keep a secret. I don't even like birthday presents.
The last kind of anxiety, for now at least, as I am only 7 weeks and 3 days, is Holy cow I will have 3 kids and 2 will be in diapers and one won't be able to do anything for him or herself. And now we need a bigger car, and, if a boy, we will need clothes. And, if a girl, we will have two teen aged daughters someday. That means two boys to fight off, two proms, two weddings.
But when all that fear is pushed aside, just knowing there is another life growing, another heart beating, and another set of feet to pitter patter. It is all worth it.
I go for my sono on August 6. Let's hope there is just one. =)
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Play nice!!!