As with the last pregnancy my positive pregnancy test set off a stream of excitement, I don't know what lottery I would have to win to top it. I could not have been more excited. So I started spreading the news fast and furious. Only to close family and friends. I told my mom, who was with me when I bought the 2-pack pregnancy tests, that I would not be needing the second test. She was disappointed, thinking I started my period, but then quickly figured it out. I told Greg by hiding the test in our bathroom and telling him to go kill a spider in the tub. He didn't see the darn thing. The spider or the test, so I had to tell him there is no spider and look what is coming for us. We told his mom by surprising her with B's newest article of clothes, a "I'm the big brother" tee. Yes is was early, but that didn't matter.
And then people knew me too well and started guessing. A coworker noticed I was eating horribly, the only other time I ate chocolate, chips, and crap like that was holidays and when I was pregnant with B And it wasn't Christmas-time. Once she found out, everyone and their mommas were finding out.
After the first doctors appointment, where they did an early sono, I decided it was time to release the info to the rest of the world before my mom or mother-in-law exploded with elation they weren't allowed to share. I still wonder if they both kept the secret like they say they did.
I was 8 weeks along when I sent out a family email to the hubby's side. All it said in it was that our home would be expanding by two feet in April 2011. The phrase haunts me to this day.
Everyone shared in our joy. We had another appointment with my OB, and he did a quick scan since it would be to early to hear with the Doppler. There our little prince was. Heart beating away. Not a problem to be seen.
A friend of mine had even warned me of sharing this kind of news too early, a superstition to her, and many others, that I didn't find necessary. If something was going to happen, it would have happened by now. But she got in my head, and the worrier in me began reading about every kind of loss imaginable. Blighted-ovum, ectopic, still birth, the list of horribleness goes on and on and on.
The morning sickness with B had patiently waited until I was 14 weeks to kick in, then stayed around to the bitter end, when I was puking in the delivery room. I felt sort of relieved that it had kicked in right away thinking maybe it would leave sooner too. But man did it ever kick in. I could smell the world, the good and the bad, and the REALLY BAD. It all made me so sick to my stomach that water sounded awful. I was so tired and in very bad pain. I could barely take care of my poor little man, who became camped out either at Nana's house while I lay in the floor waiting for her to kick me out, or he got stuck in front of the tv. The body aches and joint pain were ridiculous. So much so that I asked the Rheumatologist that I worked for if it was normal for pregnancy. He said yes, of course it was, looking back I doubt this much pain could have ever been considered normal.
With all the sickness and pregnancy, we took a trip. We went to Chicago. My first time ever. Hubs has family up there, family I have never met since his grandma did not approve of us getting married so young. And since I had never met them neither had B. So we went. It was awesome. She took us to all the must see places in Chicago and we had a blast. B had an epic melt down, much like the one in the car with the couple when we were house hunting, and she immediately branded him forever in her mind to have autism. I am not saying he does or he doesn't, but this was a rather snap judgement that she made off of meeting him for the first time, and he was overly tired again. But anyways. While we were there a paper from Guymon, Oklahoma called Greg for an interview. They offered him the job. We had too much to discuss, although his grandmother again butted in and said he should definitely take it, what were thinking having to discuss. It had a higher title, and a slightly higher paycheck, and that was as good as gold in her book.
On the way home we thought and talked, and he had decided to at least use this opportunity to leverage a raise at his current job. Well they didn't take the bate, so off to Guymon we would go.
One last stop before we packed up. It was Friday October 15, 2010. My 14 week check up with my OB. Greg went with me. He had gone to every appointment when I was pregnant the first time, but this was the first he attended this go around since we didn't like to take Brody for quick in and out kind of things. My mom had him. Was taking him til late night. So Greg came. In walks Dr. Nethers, we tell him of our impending move, and even say our good byes. He pulls out the Doppler. Nothing, no noise. He said it was still early to get that every time, so he would get the old sono machine and give us a picture for the road. He put the wand on my tummy, and looked and looked. After about 30 seconds I began sobbing. I knew what no one in the room was saying. Greg was completely puzzled. Dr Nethers said there was still hope, and we should go to the imaging center right away for a better look. He said he wasn't thinking optimistically. I was crying so hard I could barley move. I almost had to be picked up and carried from the office. We had an appointment in a few hours, and then were to return to the office to discuss results. I bawled uncontrollably up until it was time to go to the imaging center. Greg kept trying to comfort me, they were wrong when they said it with B and they will be wrong this time. But I knew.
At the imaging center I had to go and change in a sterile cold bathroom, adjacent to the sono room. While I was in there, undressing as slowly as possible, I was pleading with God. To please put my baby back where it should be. I didn't know how to handle this obstacle, or if I could even. But God doesn't always answer yes. The sonographer confirmed what we already knew. The baby had stopped growing shortly after the first sono at 6.5 weeks. The heart was still beating at 8 weeks, we saw it. That meant I had been carrying around my dead baby for 6 weeks. That was the thought I couldn't, and still can't, erase from my mind. My baby was gone and I never knew it. I was still puking, still hurting, and still felt very very very pregnant. But the baby was gone.
The baby was physically not gone though, and so I was scheduled for a D&C October 19. We had to be to the hospital super early, so B stayed with my mom. His first overnight. We got there, everything went as well as it could have, and then it was over.
And then people knew me too well and started guessing. A coworker noticed I was eating horribly, the only other time I ate chocolate, chips, and crap like that was holidays and when I was pregnant with B And it wasn't Christmas-time. Once she found out, everyone and their mommas were finding out.
After the first doctors appointment, where they did an early sono, I decided it was time to release the info to the rest of the world before my mom or mother-in-law exploded with elation they weren't allowed to share. I still wonder if they both kept the secret like they say they did.
I was 8 weeks along when I sent out a family email to the hubby's side. All it said in it was that our home would be expanding by two feet in April 2011. The phrase haunts me to this day.
Everyone shared in our joy. We had another appointment with my OB, and he did a quick scan since it would be to early to hear with the Doppler. There our little prince was. Heart beating away. Not a problem to be seen.
A friend of mine had even warned me of sharing this kind of news too early, a superstition to her, and many others, that I didn't find necessary. If something was going to happen, it would have happened by now. But she got in my head, and the worrier in me began reading about every kind of loss imaginable. Blighted-ovum, ectopic, still birth, the list of horribleness goes on and on and on.
The morning sickness with B had patiently waited until I was 14 weeks to kick in, then stayed around to the bitter end, when I was puking in the delivery room. I felt sort of relieved that it had kicked in right away thinking maybe it would leave sooner too. But man did it ever kick in. I could smell the world, the good and the bad, and the REALLY BAD. It all made me so sick to my stomach that water sounded awful. I was so tired and in very bad pain. I could barely take care of my poor little man, who became camped out either at Nana's house while I lay in the floor waiting for her to kick me out, or he got stuck in front of the tv. The body aches and joint pain were ridiculous. So much so that I asked the Rheumatologist that I worked for if it was normal for pregnancy. He said yes, of course it was, looking back I doubt this much pain could have ever been considered normal.
With all the sickness and pregnancy, we took a trip. We went to Chicago. My first time ever. Hubs has family up there, family I have never met since his grandma did not approve of us getting married so young. And since I had never met them neither had B. So we went. It was awesome. She took us to all the must see places in Chicago and we had a blast. B had an epic melt down, much like the one in the car with the couple when we were house hunting, and she immediately branded him forever in her mind to have autism. I am not saying he does or he doesn't, but this was a rather snap judgement that she made off of meeting him for the first time, and he was overly tired again. But anyways. While we were there a paper from Guymon, Oklahoma called Greg for an interview. They offered him the job. We had too much to discuss, although his grandmother again butted in and said he should definitely take it, what were thinking having to discuss. It had a higher title, and a slightly higher paycheck, and that was as good as gold in her book.
On the way home we thought and talked, and he had decided to at least use this opportunity to leverage a raise at his current job. Well they didn't take the bate, so off to Guymon we would go.
One last stop before we packed up. It was Friday October 15, 2010. My 14 week check up with my OB. Greg went with me. He had gone to every appointment when I was pregnant the first time, but this was the first he attended this go around since we didn't like to take Brody for quick in and out kind of things. My mom had him. Was taking him til late night. So Greg came. In walks Dr. Nethers, we tell him of our impending move, and even say our good byes. He pulls out the Doppler. Nothing, no noise. He said it was still early to get that every time, so he would get the old sono machine and give us a picture for the road. He put the wand on my tummy, and looked and looked. After about 30 seconds I began sobbing. I knew what no one in the room was saying. Greg was completely puzzled. Dr Nethers said there was still hope, and we should go to the imaging center right away for a better look. He said he wasn't thinking optimistically. I was crying so hard I could barley move. I almost had to be picked up and carried from the office. We had an appointment in a few hours, and then were to return to the office to discuss results. I bawled uncontrollably up until it was time to go to the imaging center. Greg kept trying to comfort me, they were wrong when they said it with B and they will be wrong this time. But I knew.
At the imaging center I had to go and change in a sterile cold bathroom, adjacent to the sono room. While I was in there, undressing as slowly as possible, I was pleading with God. To please put my baby back where it should be. I didn't know how to handle this obstacle, or if I could even. But God doesn't always answer yes. The sonographer confirmed what we already knew. The baby had stopped growing shortly after the first sono at 6.5 weeks. The heart was still beating at 8 weeks, we saw it. That meant I had been carrying around my dead baby for 6 weeks. That was the thought I couldn't, and still can't, erase from my mind. My baby was gone and I never knew it. I was still puking, still hurting, and still felt very very very pregnant. But the baby was gone.
The baby was physically not gone though, and so I was scheduled for a D&C October 19. We had to be to the hospital super early, so B stayed with my mom. His first overnight. We got there, everything went as well as it could have, and then it was over.
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