Over

It was over for lots of people.  It was over to my family, and friends.  It was over on my chart and to my insurance companies.  It was over for everyone around me.  But to me, it wasn't.  Nothing felt done about it.  I was broken.  I didn't know whether to grin and bear it for everyone around me, or break down to make people understand.  When you suffer a miscarriage, in our society, you suffer alone.  It is a bad thing that no one wants to think about, let alone talk about.  To think or talk about it makes it real to them.  But it was real to me.  I could do nothing to make it something I read about once.  Or Something I knew someone else had experienced.  I couldn't make it something that could never happen to me.  It was definitely not over in my mind.  I don't think it is over still.

The effects of the loss of my baby still haunt my thoughts.  Even when some happy moments have replaced the sad ones, they will never be gone.  But to many, it never happened.